hi, friends. this is my first newsletter. i don’t really understand how wordpress works, so this blog might look a little crazy for the next few days, weeks, or months. but it’ll be good practice for me. i’ve mentioned before that i write for my university, and apparently our articles are uploaded through wordpress, so i guess i should become competent with this program. sorry i just used the same sentence structure like two times within the last three sentences. i guess now is a good time to mention that these newsletters will not be very eloquent. i plan to treat them more like journal entries than anything else. (when i write personal pieces, i edit them at least once, and when i write fics, i usually do three drafts—a process that takes me months. but when i journal, i kind of just let the thoughts spill out of my head, if that makes sense.)

i’ve been wanting to start a newsletter for a long while now, but i finally feel like it’s the right time. i like that this program doesn’t autocapitalize the words at the start of sentences. sometimes capitalization makes things seem Too Intense, i think. anyways. after i graduated high school, my favorite film teacher invited my close friend and me over to her house for dinner. over salmon and pasta salad, she revealed that she and her family were moving to italy within the next three months. i was shocked at first, and then sad some, and then happy because i knew my former teacher hadn’t been happy for a long while. after she moved to italy, she started sending out a newsletter detailing her new life. i finally got around to actually reading some of the entries, and i was overwhelmed with what i saw. today my sister texted me that life has been disappointing her lately, but my teacher’s posts make me think that life is actually kind of beautiful sometimes. i’m going to try to emulate the way she writes / formats her blog posts in my silly little newsletter.

i’m in a film club at my college. i pitched a project idea that was initially rejected, but apparently it’s being made now? i’m not really sure what’s going on; i don’t think i ever do. my intended project is about grief and how it has complicated my relationship with my sister. i’ve mentioned many times on both twitter and ao3 that my sister has had two friends die young, and that my life is somewhat of a before and after picture of these deaths. i told my sister i’m nervous i won’t do the memories of her friends justice, or our relationship and experience justice. she told me i’m right; i likely can’t do these things justice. but that’s okay. i can still make art about them to try to make sense of my world.

maybe that’s all for now. i have a club event tonight, and am getting smoothies beforehand!

my former film teacher ends all of her newsletter entries with, “and this is where i leave you.” i like that, so i’m stealing it! (i am thief. apologies, ms. [redacted].)

and this is where i leave you.

*update from 9:37pm. that club event consisted of lots of unpleasant hiking. my hands are still cold even though i am now safe and warm in my dorm bedroom. i drank a passionfruit smoothie. i miss hawai’i.*